Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
