we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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