____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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