dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
