Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
