smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
