Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We are two peas in an std pod
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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