Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
