Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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