eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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