Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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