Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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