i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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