please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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