the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
