Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
