I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
