pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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