Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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