Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
