I could have mohawked her pubes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
