So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
