how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
