Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
