Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
