Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
