OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
