remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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