the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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