if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize