And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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