She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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