Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
