I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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