i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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