32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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