I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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