summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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