The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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