I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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