I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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