...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
