someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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