You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
