I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
