How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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