i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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