Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
