I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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