i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
