true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
