DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
