real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
