I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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