i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
