Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wear drunk well.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
