So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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