I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
