i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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