32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
