I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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