hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
