There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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