i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A+ Viking dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
