If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
