im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
