My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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