It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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