And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
