He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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